Thoughts and Adventures of a Theatre Kid

I have to say, it's been quite the week since the last time I made a blog post a week ago.  I worked the first three days of the week which was kind of fun, as we did more Christmas-type things and had a holiday party, and the Kindergartners had a mini birthday party for me and sang happy birthday. 😊 On Wednesday after work I packed up my apartment and Thursday morning I had some help moving my boxes and things into the house where I'll be staying for the next few months.  Those of you who I met this summer will know it- it's the DUS house!  So that's pretty cool.  I got to visit someone Thursday afternoon which was fun and it helped with some of my nerves for flying back the next day.  I also did a fair amount of cleaning. Friday morning I took the train to the airport and hung out there until my flight left, slightly delayed, at about 3pm.  It reached the Des Moines airport around 6pm central time and I was picked up from there by one of my college friends.  From t

I've had some revelations in the last week about myself.  First I want to say that I was wrong- I don't actually have depression- it's actually a case of the lonelies.  Living by myself is hard because even though I do my best to meet new people, make new friends, and be involved, I still feel incredibly lonely at times.  I think it's because I don't have, to my current knowledge, a solid support group (how does one find these?) or the necessary intimate friendship(s) most people have.  I have friends and acquaintances and not really anyone who is truly close to me (in distance for instance) that I can talk to if and when I need it, though there are those (and awesome) few whom have said they'd be available if need be (you know who you are).  Which makes it really hard having moved to a new place all by myself.  Thankfully God's got my back and I can talk to him whenever I want, though it isn't quite the same thing. Another revelation I had has to do w

Tonight I had the honor and privilege of performing with my church's improv group!  It was for the gala which was also a fundraiser for the church.  I had a blast!  The improv games we played were the dating game and the photo slide one, for any of you familiar with improv.  For those of you who don't know the dating game is where there are 2-3 contestants and one bachelor(ette).  Each contestant is asked roughly around three questions and has to answer them while in-character.  Eventually the bachelor(ette) picks who they want, at the same time guessing who each contestant is.  For the photo slide game there's the person who's narrating and in charge of the slide show "clicker" and the other 3-4 people are characters doing their thing in regards to the audience suggestion and freezing in place when the narrator says "click".  It can get pretty hilarious for both!  In the dating game one we did tonight I was a stoner snowboarder and the other guy was

I've been doing a fair amount of deep-ish thinking this last week or so, much of it having to do with my emotions, because they're so tangled up and confusing.  If there was such a thing as being afraid of one's emotions, that would be me.  Over the last several months I've come to realize just how much of a wall I've built up around myself, and so thus begins the long and arduous process of breaking it down.  At first it was to protect myself but now it just seems like a hindrance in my quest for honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability.  And so down it must go.  I don't know why I got it into my head that I have to act so tough in the first place!  Emotions aren't shameful.  They are part of life, and what you and I feel is valid. Recently I admitted to you all about my having depression again.  I'm not sure there's really a specific reason to my falling back into it- it just sort of happened from all of the time spent alone during the week of Th

I had a rather odd experience and realization about two hours ago.  It was quiet- eerily quiet, more so than it should have been.  I think it took me a solid five minutes to figure out why it was so silent all of a sudden.  It hit me that it was because my mind was actually at peace and not buzzing with about a million thoughts all at once, like usual.  After another few minutes it dawned on me that it was also because I let myself actually feel what I was feeling and let out loud thoughts that had been haunting me for the last while.  I haven't been able to think this clearly in a long while. I'm going to be very honest with you all about my thoughts and feelings, which isn't an easy thing for me to do.  Earlier today I went for a walk because I'd been alone for a little too long and came to a difficult realization:  I think I have midl depression again.  This led me to actually be angry with myself because I'd never wanted to see depression rear it's ugly fa

My face hurts from smiling so much today.  I almost feel as if I got married or something because of all the "congratulations!" I've received.  I've felt so loved today too.  Here's why- I was baptized today!!  And it was amazing, if not a little nerve-wracking.  Back when I was applying for jobs this past August, and when I was in the interviewing process, I prayed about if Denver was where I should go- but I also prayed about the possibility of baptism.  And now here we are. Going into today I was super excited for my baptism- I'd been anticipating and looking forward to it all week!  It's all I've been able to think about for the last while, and I'll likely keep thinking about this day in the days to come too.  When I arrived at church this morning I felt very nervous and more than a little anxious, despite all my enthusiasm and excitedness.  I had a somewhat hard time focusing and listening to the sermon this morning because of that.  Almost

I don't think I'm alone when I say it's been one heck of a week.  There have been so many emotions flying around, I haven't known what to do with all of them.  It leads to a crammed head full of thoughts and feelings all jostling and vying for attention.  However, this post won't be political because I feel we've all had enough to last us a lifetime just in this past week alone.  Perhaps a different time when things have cooled down a bit. Instead I want to bring up the topic of hospitality, for one.  This morning the sermon was done by the author of the book "Unclobber" (check it out!) and it was on the story of Sodom and Gomorrah.  No, it wasn't about what you think- I gave a clue in the first sentence of this paragraph what it was actually about.  The story goes that two men came to Sodom and Gomorrah seeking a place to stay for the night.  Each house they came to turned them away until a man named Lot found them wandering around in the town s

This last week I found myself remembering and reflecting on the past few months.  It's almost mind-blowing how much can happen in such a short amount of time.  Hard to put into words too, for some of it. I don't quite remember how I thought to look again but this evening I again found/rediscovered a work book of sorts called "7 Stories". (Stories about one's life orientation(s).) Looking through it I found myself reminiscing a bit about a retreat I had the opportunity to go on this summer.  It was interesting to look through that book again through a slightly different but similar lens as when I first had the opportunity to go through it with my fellow DUS (Denver Urban Semester) people.  Mostly it was just intriguing to revisit, though I wish I remembered more what was said for my Illumination story. That thought came about from this past Wednesday from a discussion group I'm part of, when the "shadow self" came up.  Which led me to a thought pr

Tonight found me looking back at old blogs and blog posts I've written over the last several years which was sort of a journey for me.  I wasn't sure what I'd feel looking back at them and to be honest, I was kind of scared to look at them.  That fear came from not really wanting to see how depressed and lonely I was in the last few years but curiosity drew me on.  And you know what I found?  I found that though I was those things I feared reading about there was also abundant hope and joy to be found as well.  In every single blog post I have written thus far, I've noticed there is always me talking about God and his goodness even if I wasn't feeling it on that particular day.  It seems to me upon looking back that I've always had a strong faith in God which has grown into trusting him too.  It's almost like reading the words of a Warrior of Faith who though she has troubles, trials, and tribulations she is always looking to the One above.  I found it inter

Sitting here on the couch, I was about to head to bed for another crazy day of my SOS, when I had the sudden urge to write.  Right now.  Even though I'm tired.  I feel that I must finally have my say on the thoughts currently swirling around in my head, though please keep in mind these are just my opinions and that I'm not trying to attack anyone. I first felt the need to write while reading a book this evening.  In it there were characters who were being portrayed as the bad guys of the story.  Can you guess where they came from?  Yep, they were from the Middle East and of the Islamic religion.  It really broke my heart that their people were being portrayed in that way, as the bad guys, when in reality they are really nice and good people.  I was in a class for a while this last semester on Islam and so I learned a fair amount to be knowledgeable about this subject, as well as last summer's study abroad trip with the Northwestern College theatre department to Israel/Pal

Hello and welcome to my new blog page! I graduated from college yesterday, which means I won't be around my friends 24/7 anymore.  Because of that I decided to make this blog, so I can keep you all updated about life.  So here it is! Yikes.  I graduated from college?!  When did that become a thing?  It still hasn't sunk in, and likely won't sink in until August, when all the rest of my lovely friends head back to school in the fall.  I don't yet know what I'll be doing at that time, which is actually rather terrifying!  Maybe by that time there will be a more solid plan. This summer I'll be in Denver (I leave a week from tomorrow!) for an SOS (summer of service) through Northwestern.  I'll be working with a place called Open Door Ministries- though I'm not yet sure what all I'm to be doing with them.  There's also the possibility of also doing stuff with Sox Place, which I think has something to do with screen printing.  As another si