When Not Knowing Is Knowing
"It's not called being a nerd, it's called personal therapy."
I'm going to be honest, this last week has left me feeling a storm of emotions, many of them really confusing and distressing. I've felt frustrated on more than a few occasions. And not all of it has been related to political and world happenings. I haven't been sure how to work through it and sort each emotion out. I think I've never felt so strongly than I feel now and it kinda scares me because I don't exactly know what to do with it. All I can currently do is call it a storm.
I tried to have a conversation with a family member this week about the happenings in the world but all I got was resistance. And I don't know why. All I know is I felt extremely frustrated with them and sad that we couldn't have a nice discussion about current news. When I mentioned participating in the Woman's March on Denver I got the sense they didn't approve and that really hurt. I don't understand why we all can't just have conversations without it becoming an issue of "us versus them" because in all honesty, it's only ever been WE. These are part of the reason I feel confused and conflicted.
Another side to it is I really really don't like or agree with pretty much anything the president is doing right now. It makes me angry, sad, and very frustrated. Until this election I don't think I've ever felt as strongly as I do now about certain issues nor did I know until now where I stood on certain issues. I still stand by what I've said before: I will fight for you. I don't yet know how or what it will look like but please know I will fight for you, whoever you may be, wherever you're from, no matter what. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a world that's turned that concept upside down. I want to be the embodiment of Christ's love and have his light shine through me so that others may see, as cheesy as it sounds. But honestly, I want to be an example to others, even if I sometimes fail- I'm only human. I cannot remain silent while my neighbor is suffering.
I want each of you reading this post to know that you are loved and that you have WORTH. Because you do- you have worth. Yes, you. Me, too. It's okay if you don't yet believe it- you don't have to believe it to have worth. You don't have to earn it either. We can't love one another fully until we believe that each person, no matter what, has worth. This is something I learned today in church and which struck a particular chord in myself, and which I felt needed to be passed on to others who may need to hear it. I mean, just take a look at Saul-turned-Paul in Acts. Until he encountered God on the road and became blind the way he defined his worth was from a list. We do the same thing- we make these lists and believe this is where our worth comes from- but that's not where it comes from.
A few days ago I started reading "The Shack" again, and today as I was reading it came to the part where the main character, Mack, meets the three people who are God. He gets angry, understandably so, with God (Papa) and sort of blurts out the hard questions which have been burning on his heart. Many of them are questions I myself have had in recent times and in the past three and a half years since the passing of my dad, so I found myself really relating to Mack and his situation, albeit a different situation than his. There was just a lot of profound "oh" moments and moments where the words on the page struck me and deeply penetrated my soul It was then I realized that all along I've been craving a relationship and a knowing with God- I thought I was in one but man, not a relational one like what I was craving after reading about Papa, Sarayu, and Jesus's relationship! Woof. I melted inwardly (and a little outwardly) while reading it today.
Going along with the theme of deep things, I ran across on Facebook the other day something I've been attempting to find words for and finally found it. It said something along the lines of "there's a difference between how YOU see yourself and how you actually are". I even journaled about it when I found it. It was a pretty profound find for me.
So yeah. Just a few thoughts from the week! 😉
Also- The Denver Public Library is GINORMOUS- it's 7 stories tall!!! It's freaking awesome.
I'm going to be honest, this last week has left me feeling a storm of emotions, many of them really confusing and distressing. I've felt frustrated on more than a few occasions. And not all of it has been related to political and world happenings. I haven't been sure how to work through it and sort each emotion out. I think I've never felt so strongly than I feel now and it kinda scares me because I don't exactly know what to do with it. All I can currently do is call it a storm.
I tried to have a conversation with a family member this week about the happenings in the world but all I got was resistance. And I don't know why. All I know is I felt extremely frustrated with them and sad that we couldn't have a nice discussion about current news. When I mentioned participating in the Woman's March on Denver I got the sense they didn't approve and that really hurt. I don't understand why we all can't just have conversations without it becoming an issue of "us versus them" because in all honesty, it's only ever been WE. These are part of the reason I feel confused and conflicted.
Another side to it is I really really don't like or agree with pretty much anything the president is doing right now. It makes me angry, sad, and very frustrated. Until this election I don't think I've ever felt as strongly as I do now about certain issues nor did I know until now where I stood on certain issues. I still stand by what I've said before: I will fight for you. I don't yet know how or what it will look like but please know I will fight for you, whoever you may be, wherever you're from, no matter what. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a world that's turned that concept upside down. I want to be the embodiment of Christ's love and have his light shine through me so that others may see, as cheesy as it sounds. But honestly, I want to be an example to others, even if I sometimes fail- I'm only human. I cannot remain silent while my neighbor is suffering.
I want each of you reading this post to know that you are loved and that you have WORTH. Because you do- you have worth. Yes, you. Me, too. It's okay if you don't yet believe it- you don't have to believe it to have worth. You don't have to earn it either. We can't love one another fully until we believe that each person, no matter what, has worth. This is something I learned today in church and which struck a particular chord in myself, and which I felt needed to be passed on to others who may need to hear it. I mean, just take a look at Saul-turned-Paul in Acts. Until he encountered God on the road and became blind the way he defined his worth was from a list. We do the same thing- we make these lists and believe this is where our worth comes from- but that's not where it comes from.
A few days ago I started reading "The Shack" again, and today as I was reading it came to the part where the main character, Mack, meets the three people who are God. He gets angry, understandably so, with God (Papa) and sort of blurts out the hard questions which have been burning on his heart. Many of them are questions I myself have had in recent times and in the past three and a half years since the passing of my dad, so I found myself really relating to Mack and his situation, albeit a different situation than his. There was just a lot of profound "oh" moments and moments where the words on the page struck me and deeply penetrated my soul It was then I realized that all along I've been craving a relationship and a knowing with God- I thought I was in one but man, not a relational one like what I was craving after reading about Papa, Sarayu, and Jesus's relationship! Woof. I melted inwardly (and a little outwardly) while reading it today.
Going along with the theme of deep things, I ran across on Facebook the other day something I've been attempting to find words for and finally found it. It said something along the lines of "there's a difference between how YOU see yourself and how you actually are". I even journaled about it when I found it. It was a pretty profound find for me.
So yeah. Just a few thoughts from the week! 😉
Also- The Denver Public Library is GINORMOUS- it's 7 stories tall!!! It's freaking awesome.
Comments
Post a Comment