Thoughts and Adventures of a Theatre Kid

Recently it was Thanksgiving and I had the idea of making a post where I write out everything I'm grateful for from this past year, especially with all the life I have experienced.  It's a shorter post and that's okay.  So here goes! A short list of what I'm grateful for: A bed to sleep in A roof over my head My most basic needs being met New friends and old friends Highlands Church North Denver Left Hand Church Those who have been there when I've needed them Being able to have a car All the adverse/different experiences I've had this year Being seen and heard My therapist The time I will have with my family for Christmas People who love on me and who love me The ability to get around via my own two feet Good conversations Coffee/food with people I love and care about For the opportunities that come my way to learn and discover more about myself For all the things! I'm grateful for all of my experiences this past year because it has

"...running with perseverance the race that is set before us..." ~Hebrews 12:1-3~ How do I begin to put into words what I experienced this summer? This is something I have been struggling to put into words for quite some time now.  Apparently inspiration to finally start putting words to it happens at 2:19am when most sane people are sleeping. I won't lie- this has not been an easy year for me.  I think it may be one of the hardest years thus far in my young adult life.  One was when my parents went back and forth from Chicago every other week for my dad's cancer treatments, and the other was the year my dad left this world.  The way my 2019 started sort of set the stage for how my summer went, at least in the way it affected my mental health during the summer months.  It's very difficult to go back down memory lane because the memories still feel painful albeit less raw than they were.  I'm currently in the messy healing process and I've got s

I want to write about my experience on the buses and light rail.  It feels important to tell my story so others may understand better and see the world in a different way.  It feels like important work. I should warn you there is quite a bit of bus details because my point is to share the fullest extent of what it was like for me being a bus rider.  It's okay if you don't understand or if you skip around.  If you have the time I'd recommend looking them up.  If not just know it was just as exhausting living it as it probably is reading it. My first summer in Denver was spent learning about Denver, its culture, certain landmarks, how to ride public transportation, checking out different churches, and about the homeless population.  It was a lot to take in initially.  Denver is very different from small town Iowa. I remember the very first time I rode on a bus here, and I was terrified of getting off on the wrong stop, getting on it on the wrong side of the street, of t

So yesterday I got my first car, and I have a lot of feelings about it. It's super amazing to finally have a car after never having one before.  If I were to attempt to describe my feelings around having one I would say it feels as though I'm dreaming, and as though any moment I'm going to wake up and revert back to where I was before.  It feels super surreal.  It feels like I'm cheating.  It feels super freeing.  I feel so much less stressed than I have been.  My brain is still in public transportation mode and I have a hunch it's going to be that way for quite some time still, which is totally okay with me.  I'm excited to have chunks of time back that were previously spent waiting for and riding the buses.  I'm excited to be in control of my own time table and not be so worried about if and when buses are running late.  I'm stoked to have a car! That being said- Privilege is something that's weighing particularly heavy on me right now. I don

Recently I've been reading Rachel Held Evans' book Searching for Sunday  and it's reminded me of my own faith journey. As I was reading it this morning I remembered my teenage years when I would question everything and constantly ask "why?" and "what if?" and "but what about...?" much to the annoyance of my parents.  I would always ask questions, especially if something didn't sit quite right with me.  There was a point, when I was in middle school, when I started to really notice the flaws in the church I was part of.  I would wonder why certain youth programs were ending, why my favorite pastor had to leave, and why we didn't do something about the people who needed God's love the most.  Nobody gave me an answer, at least not a straight answer.  It struck me as odd that not everyone was welcome when the church preached otherwise. I remember going to bible camp for the first time in 7th grade and looking around wondering why al

"O God, help me to believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is." ~From the back of a seat at Highlands Church North Denver~ "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  And then bear witness to an awesome double rainbow. The other day for the 4th of July I was sitting alone in my bedroom wondering if I was going to be spending another holiday by myself, when I decided to put a post up on Facebook asking if anyone would like to "adopt" me for the day.  For several hours I felt a little disheartened after posting it because thus far I wasn't able to get to any of the invitations to come and be with people.  Being a bus rider can royally suck sometimes.  I was, however, super appreciative of those who did reply, because even though they were farther away than I would have like, I still felt loved.  Then, at the moment I was about to give up, I was messaged by someone to come and join them in south Denver.  I got really excite

Father's Day was this past Sunday, the day of the year where we all celebrate our dad's. For many of us it's a celebratory day in which we get to spend time with our dad's and remember all that they have done for us.  It's a happy time.  But for others of us it is a day that is hard, and carries other not so great memories with it.  Many have lost their dads in various ways.  For me I lost mine when he died from cancer 6 years ago. Has it really already been 6 years since he passed away?  Dang.  I miss my dad.  I wish he could see all of the wonderful growth that has happened in my life since that June of 2013.  I wish I could hear him tell me that he's proud of me.  I wish I could again bear witness to his mischievous smile as he rubs his hands together in a mutually conspiratorial way.  I wish I could again race him to the finish line on those racing games he loved to play.  I wish I could observe him in his workshop and in the garage as he works on anothe

Lately I've been thinking about courage, vulnerability, and love.  This weekend there was a beautiful example of this and it was one of the best moments of the entire weekend.  It was truly amazing after a wonderful sermon pertaining to the third arrival of love.  In short, WE are the third arrival of love!  Interestingly enough it fit in really well with Sunday's sermon, as it too referenced the Holy Spirit. If I could, I would be like Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus, though for this day and age it would be the pastors.  I love what they have to say each week, and it's like I'm parched for water- what they give is metaphorically water for the soul.  Kind of like that living water mentioned by Jesus.  It's a sad moment when sermons end because I want to keep sitting there, taking everything in, and listening.  In those moments I feel connected to the spirit and can feel the love permeating the air.  I am surrounded by people I love and who love me.  It's

There are some days where you have to wonder if somebody is indeed looking out for you.  Sometimes the universe DOES conspire in your favor. Take today for example.  I forgot to grab my May bus pass and had a moment of "oh s***" as I saw the bus coming this morning.  Much to my embarrassment I had to board without my new bus pass and awkwardly tell the bus driver I forgot it.  He was kind enough to let me on.  When getting on the light rail half an hour later I prayed that no one was going to board and check if I had a valid pass.  Thankfully I made it to work without that happening.  Oh yeah, and since I just moved yesterday there was the added adventure of learning a brand new route to work today too!  So there was some additional stress of not quite knowing for sure how long it would take me and what time I would reach my destination. At work today we had our Paraprofessional evaluations and boy, was I an anxious wreck about having mine.  I knew that it was likely n

Today was Maundy Thursday.  It means different things to different people.  To me, it means preparation for what's to come, and also a living into vulnerability and relationship with others. Tonight at Highlands we celebrated Maundy Thursday with the washing of feet.  This action is often considered to be fairly vulnerable. The person doing the washing of feet could be likened to Jesus, like when he washed his disciples feet. There's something to be said in letting another person wash your feet, especially if you, like me, are on them much of the day.  Your feet could be dirty, smelly, and sore.  They could be tender or calloused.  They could be tired or energetic.  Washing feet is like a renewal- it washes off all the dirt and grime and messiness of the day.  It signifies a fresh start.  I think letting others wash our feet and in turn washing theirs helps us to be more like Jesus.  In doing this for one another none of us is greater than the other, for we are all equa

Today is Ash Wednesday. Depending on who you are and how you grew up it may mean something different. To me Ash Wednesday signifies redemptive curiosity, wholeness and brokenness as we live in community with one another.  It represents the bold, all-encompassing, and unconditional love that God has for each of us and all of us. Growing up in a Lutheran church we also celebrated Ash Wednesday, though there it meant something a little different.  To them it means three things: sinfulness, mortality, and redemption.  When Lutherans receive ashes the phrase used is "You are dust and to dust you shall return".  There is something humbling about that phrase.  To me it tells about how ultimately we will return to the earth in death.  It always made me wonder, "What about life and living?  Why do we seem to celebrate death so much?"  Perhaps there is something beautiful to be found in reflecting on death during this season. At Highlands here in Denver the phrase said