Nevertheless, She Persisted

"O God, help me to believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is."

~From the back of a seat at Highlands Church North Denver~

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  And then bear witness to an awesome double rainbow.

The other day for the 4th of July I was sitting alone in my bedroom wondering if I was going to be spending another holiday by myself, when I decided to put a post up on Facebook asking if anyone would like to "adopt" me for the day.  For several hours I felt a little disheartened after posting it because thus far I wasn't able to get to any of the invitations to come and be with people.  Being a bus rider can royally suck sometimes.  I was, however, super appreciative of those who did reply, because even though they were farther away than I would have like, I still felt loved.  Then, at the moment I was about to give up, I was messaged by someone to come and join them in south Denver.  I got really excited, hopped on my bike, and away I went.  Little did I know what was about to happen.

When I first set out on my bike the sky was sunny.  In the distance there were dark clouds threatening to rain but I thought they were far enough away to not rain on me.  Oh how wrong I was.  A fourth of the way there it started to sprinkle and I thought, "this isn't too bad".  Biking five more minutes proved just how very wrong I was about that- it started to rain!  I still thought I would be fine.  When I reached Sheridan and Florida it started to rain harder, and when I crossed Federal and Florida it was pouring.  I still thought I was going to be okay- and then came the hail.  At that point I was thinking, "Sh*t.  It's raining cats and dogs AND hailing quarter-sized hail?!  Good thing I'm wearing a helmet!"  That was as I turned onto Zuni and Florida.  I had made it about halfway up the hill when this woman comes out of her house and says I can shelter under her porch.  So a very soaked Caitlin took shelter under a random stranger's porch.  This woman, Megan, gave me a towel to dry off with and a dry shirt to wear, telling me I could keep it and not to worry about it.  Megan also offered to drive me and my bike the rest of the way to where I was heading before the heavens opened up.  She said to me, "There are still good people in this world.  There are people who care.  Never forget that."  Megan was a modern day Good Samaritan.

I ended up having a great rest of my 4th of July, only having gotten soaked three different times that day.  After accidentally forgetting my sweatshirt in their dryer (the people's house I went to) and having to go back and retrieve it earlier this week (the day I took the picture of the double rainbow), I was able to stand outside where I live in the parking lot and take pictures of fireworks and lightning.  A great end to an adventurous day!  Needless to say I slept well that night.

It's interesting to see the places in which God shows up.  Rarely is it in a way we think she will.  Lately I've been in a place where life is just really hard.  There are days where I wonder when it will get better.  Last night I was reminded that this time is no different from any of the other times when I've needed God- She always shows up in some way or other.  If I need a place to live- there She is.  If I am not sure how I'm going to pay for something- there too is She.  If I need to ask for help from others- She is there.  She is in the people I interact with on the weekends and in the random acts of kindness from strangers.  She is at the bus stops.  She is in the sunsets and the double rainbows.  She is in the laughter and joy of the children swimming in the pool with me.  She is everywhere- I just have to look and see.

Perhaps there are only lessons that can be learned when you are at the low places in life; in the valleys.  There are things that we tend to notice and be more aware of when we are in those valleys than when we are at the top of the mountains.  The good thing about being at low points is you can only go up from there.

One of the things I have learned from being in this difficult place is how loved I am by people.  I'll admit- it's often hard to see when I am in the middle of this valley but at the end of the day I know there are those who truly care and see me.

This past Sunday one of the pastors at Highlands preached and their message resonated with me on a deep level.  The second half of their message was about, to sum it up, "There is no fear in love".  Fear cannot survive where there is love.  It got me thinking- Why do we run from being seen and loved?  Why are we so afraid of it?  What do we have to lose?  What happens when we are truly seen and truly loved?  I have no easy answers.  What I do know is that in order to do and be these things we have to let ourselves be honest, open, and vulnerable, and it is not easy.  I can tell you though that it is worth it to let yourself be them.  I have experienced so much love and am more fully seen when I let myself be honest, open, and vulnerable!  The vulnerability hangover is definitely worth it.