Buses, Empathy, Privilege, and Being Human
So yesterday I got my first car, and I have a lot of feelings about it.
It's super amazing to finally have a car after never having one before. If I were to attempt to describe my feelings around having one I would say it feels as though I'm dreaming, and as though any moment I'm going to wake up and revert back to where I was before. It feels super surreal. It feels like I'm cheating. It feels super freeing. I feel so much less stressed than I have been. My brain is still in public transportation mode and I have a hunch it's going to be that way for quite some time still, which is totally okay with me. I'm excited to have chunks of time back that were previously spent waiting for and riding the buses. I'm excited to be in control of my own time table and not be so worried about if and when buses are running late. I'm stoked to have a car!
That being said- Privilege is something that's weighing particularly heavy on me right now.
I don't know that many people realize just how fortunate they are to have access to a vehicle or how stressful it is to have to rely on public transportation and tiring walking everywhere. It takes a toll on a person because not only are you working and doing your job(s) but you're also having to walk to the bus stop or train station, wait, ride, and walk the rest of the way to your job(s). If you need to do any errands there is typically only time to do one a day, simply because transportation takes so long, unless you can plan out your errands to be in the same area. It also depends on the type of errands. For example, I was walking 18 minutes to catch the nearest bus to take me to get groceries, sitting on the bus for 20 minutes, getting groceries, waiting for the next bus back, another 20 minutes on the bus, and then around 20 minutes carrying groceries up the hill back to my place. With a car it only takes 10 minutes to get to the store, and 10 minutes back, and you don't have to worry about carrying groceries. That was just one example of what I would do, and what many people have to do too. When I injured my ankle it was even harder because for a while I couldn't walk to the bus stops and had to rely on other people- it took a toll after a while, and it's taken my ankle that much longer to heal because I had to be on my feet all the time. People who were able to easily get around by car had "car privilege". Now I have "car privilege".
I felt it very acutely yesterday and today.
Yesterday as I was leaving the dealership I thought to myself, "Right now, if I were to be still relying on the bus, I would have already needed to be at Union Station." It was almost 2:30pm, and typically I would catch the LD1 which leaves at 2:35pm from Union Station heading north to Longmont. I then passed by a person who was on the corner with a cardboard sign which said, "Hungry. Anything helps." All I had on me at the time were two small packages of peanut M & M's which I gave to him hoping he wasn't allergic to peanuts. It really hit home.
As a bus rider I would daily see people in need and those who had less than they would have liked and people just like me. Rarely was there a day when I wasn't asked for a bit of change for a bus pass or for food, or even just for a smile and a hello; an acknowledgement of the person. It's resulted in me having a huge heart for these people. I love the bus community and the camaraderie we share- we look out for one another. There are times though when I really disliked it because I was hit on or talked to when I just wanted to be left alone to ride in peace. (Yes, even with earbuds on, a book out, and a verbal no.) But I still had compassion and empathy for all who were on those journey's with me. I hope this makes sense to those that are reading- it can be difficult to describe if you haven't lived it.
It got me thinking- how is it fair that I get to have a car but they don't? It certainly isn't about who deserves what and who doesn't, or who works the hardest or pulls themselves up by their bootstraps (Which in itself is problematic because even saying that is part of privilege.). Deserve's got nothing to do with it. We live in an unjust and broken system. How is it that a person can work multiple jobs but still struggle to survive? How is it that health care is affordable to some but not all? How is it that those in power fail to truly see and actually help those in need? How is it that the system is built to prevent those with little from moving up in the world despite them working themselves to exhaustion just to make ends meet? How is it that the system is built for those who have much, who have privilege, who have power? I wish we could hit a reset button because it all royally sucks. As someone who has experienced a large chunk of what's wrong with the world I have altogether too much to say about all these things and more. It's not fair. It's not right. And don't get me started on the effects all this has on our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Someone today, when I mentioned I feel guilty for having a car when others don't and that I feel like it isn't fair, told me to remember gratitude at the same time as having empathy and to remember.
I don't want to forget my fellow humans who still are riding the bus and are still struggling. I want to hold space for both gratitude and empathy. I never want to forget what it was like to be one of the people without. I never want to forget the toll it takes being in their place. I have such a heart for those people! Because the thing is, in the end we're all human. We all deserve to live and be happy and to thrive. Any person of any race, place, sexuality, opinion, gender, culture, etc. deserves these things. What's happening in the world right now is just not right. It needs to change. We need to stop other-ing people and we need to stop having a mind set of "us versus them" because we're all just humans worthy of love living our lives to the best of our abilities.
We all belong. We all should get to be and feel loved and cared for.
So yeah, privilege is weighing heaving on me right now, of all kinds. I am especially sensitive. Perhaps you all can join me in being aware of it too? It's everywhere.
P.S.-- I had the idea, if anyone would like to join me, to carry around a booklet of bus tickets, $5 grocery store gift cards, socks, or even a small note to acknowledge whoever, so that if anyone asks or if we see anything in passing we would be able to make a difference in some small way. But don't just give it to them- make eye contact, smile, say hello, and truly SEE them!
It's super amazing to finally have a car after never having one before. If I were to attempt to describe my feelings around having one I would say it feels as though I'm dreaming, and as though any moment I'm going to wake up and revert back to where I was before. It feels super surreal. It feels like I'm cheating. It feels super freeing. I feel so much less stressed than I have been. My brain is still in public transportation mode and I have a hunch it's going to be that way for quite some time still, which is totally okay with me. I'm excited to have chunks of time back that were previously spent waiting for and riding the buses. I'm excited to be in control of my own time table and not be so worried about if and when buses are running late. I'm stoked to have a car!
That being said- Privilege is something that's weighing particularly heavy on me right now.
I don't know that many people realize just how fortunate they are to have access to a vehicle or how stressful it is to have to rely on public transportation and tiring walking everywhere. It takes a toll on a person because not only are you working and doing your job(s) but you're also having to walk to the bus stop or train station, wait, ride, and walk the rest of the way to your job(s). If you need to do any errands there is typically only time to do one a day, simply because transportation takes so long, unless you can plan out your errands to be in the same area. It also depends on the type of errands. For example, I was walking 18 minutes to catch the nearest bus to take me to get groceries, sitting on the bus for 20 minutes, getting groceries, waiting for the next bus back, another 20 minutes on the bus, and then around 20 minutes carrying groceries up the hill back to my place. With a car it only takes 10 minutes to get to the store, and 10 minutes back, and you don't have to worry about carrying groceries. That was just one example of what I would do, and what many people have to do too. When I injured my ankle it was even harder because for a while I couldn't walk to the bus stops and had to rely on other people- it took a toll after a while, and it's taken my ankle that much longer to heal because I had to be on my feet all the time. People who were able to easily get around by car had "car privilege". Now I have "car privilege".
I felt it very acutely yesterday and today.
Yesterday as I was leaving the dealership I thought to myself, "Right now, if I were to be still relying on the bus, I would have already needed to be at Union Station." It was almost 2:30pm, and typically I would catch the LD1 which leaves at 2:35pm from Union Station heading north to Longmont. I then passed by a person who was on the corner with a cardboard sign which said, "Hungry. Anything helps." All I had on me at the time were two small packages of peanut M & M's which I gave to him hoping he wasn't allergic to peanuts. It really hit home.
As a bus rider I would daily see people in need and those who had less than they would have liked and people just like me. Rarely was there a day when I wasn't asked for a bit of change for a bus pass or for food, or even just for a smile and a hello; an acknowledgement of the person. It's resulted in me having a huge heart for these people. I love the bus community and the camaraderie we share- we look out for one another. There are times though when I really disliked it because I was hit on or talked to when I just wanted to be left alone to ride in peace. (Yes, even with earbuds on, a book out, and a verbal no.) But I still had compassion and empathy for all who were on those journey's with me. I hope this makes sense to those that are reading- it can be difficult to describe if you haven't lived it.
It got me thinking- how is it fair that I get to have a car but they don't? It certainly isn't about who deserves what and who doesn't, or who works the hardest or pulls themselves up by their bootstraps (Which in itself is problematic because even saying that is part of privilege.). Deserve's got nothing to do with it. We live in an unjust and broken system. How is it that a person can work multiple jobs but still struggle to survive? How is it that health care is affordable to some but not all? How is it that those in power fail to truly see and actually help those in need? How is it that the system is built to prevent those with little from moving up in the world despite them working themselves to exhaustion just to make ends meet? How is it that the system is built for those who have much, who have privilege, who have power? I wish we could hit a reset button because it all royally sucks. As someone who has experienced a large chunk of what's wrong with the world I have altogether too much to say about all these things and more. It's not fair. It's not right. And don't get me started on the effects all this has on our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Someone today, when I mentioned I feel guilty for having a car when others don't and that I feel like it isn't fair, told me to remember gratitude at the same time as having empathy and to remember.
I don't want to forget my fellow humans who still are riding the bus and are still struggling. I want to hold space for both gratitude and empathy. I never want to forget what it was like to be one of the people without. I never want to forget the toll it takes being in their place. I have such a heart for those people! Because the thing is, in the end we're all human. We all deserve to live and be happy and to thrive. Any person of any race, place, sexuality, opinion, gender, culture, etc. deserves these things. What's happening in the world right now is just not right. It needs to change. We need to stop other-ing people and we need to stop having a mind set of "us versus them" because we're all just humans worthy of love living our lives to the best of our abilities.
We all belong. We all should get to be and feel loved and cared for.
So yeah, privilege is weighing heaving on me right now, of all kinds. I am especially sensitive. Perhaps you all can join me in being aware of it too? It's everywhere.
P.S.-- I had the idea, if anyone would like to join me, to carry around a booklet of bus tickets, $5 grocery store gift cards, socks, or even a small note to acknowledge whoever, so that if anyone asks or if we see anything in passing we would be able to make a difference in some small way. But don't just give it to them- make eye contact, smile, say hello, and truly SEE them!
In life we have two choices...we can let our life experiences make us bitter or better...you have chosen the latter. You are an amazing woman Caitlin. Love you lots! Mom
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