When the Universe Conspires

There are some days where you have to wonder if somebody is indeed looking out for you.  Sometimes the universe DOES conspire in your favor.

Take today for example.  I forgot to grab my May bus pass and had a moment of "oh s***" as I saw the bus coming this morning.  Much to my embarrassment I had to board without my new bus pass and awkwardly tell the bus driver I forgot it.  He was kind enough to let me on.  When getting on the light rail half an hour later I prayed that no one was going to board and check if I had a valid pass.  Thankfully I made it to work without that happening.  Oh yeah, and since I just moved yesterday there was the added adventure of learning a brand new route to work today too!  So there was some additional stress of not quite knowing for sure how long it would take me and what time I would reach my destination.

At work today we had our Paraprofessional evaluations and boy, was I an anxious wreck about having mine.  I knew that it was likely not going to be the best of evaluations due to so much life happening outside of work, and also struggling with mental health for quite some time affecting my job performance.  Sometimes, or a lot of the time, I wish places of work were more understanding of when these things happen, especially when it's out of our control.  Remembering what my therapist asks often of, "What's the truth?" was helpful.  I also knew that I have been doing my best and am striving to grow and make improvements each day.  What my boss had to say was not the truth, and I had to fight myself and my anxiety to tell myself as much.  The truth is that I do a good job and I'm human.  Also that my self-esteem and confidence in myself took a hit because of the review.  It's demoralizing to constantly be criticized and never told what you're doing well, only what you're doing wrong.  I'm proud of myself for being able to say what the truth is and for being able to overcome my anxiety.

On the way home today (Though at this point, what even IS home?) seeing as I still was void of the necessary bus pass I was nervous about my ability to get back.  Plus, I'm just starting to learn bus/train routes back and forth from my job.  I'd made up my mind to head to Union Station to catch the W line, as maybe there wouldn't be anybody on board it checking for valid RTD passes.  Then, if the bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus, I could at least walk back from the train station.  It would have been an hour walk back from the Wadsworth station.  So, I got on the light rail hoping there weren't any officers checking passes- except just after the Decatur station one got on the train!  I felt really embarrassed when I had to tell them I didn't have my pass on me.  Again I was lucky- he said I was fine even after seeing that I had my April pass instead my May one.  I breathed, and thought maybe I would be able to make it back after all!  It's a risky business riding transportation without a valid buss pass, and not something I try to make a habit of.

The next part in my bus adventure saga today is when I got off the train at the Wadsworth station.  Because I haven't really spent much time there yet it was hard to tell which direction to go.  Initially I went to the wrong side.  As I was standing there feeling rather foolish, a random stranger came up to me and handed me a regional day pass, good until 3am, saying how they no longer needed it.  I said thank you and then proceeded to stand there dumbfounded for a moment wondering about the quirks of the universe and how it seemed to be tilted in my favor today.  It's like it knew I needed a break.  Inwardly I rejoiced because I was able to ride the bus now without having to feel embarrassed and worried about whether or not the driver would let me on.  It also meant I wouldn't have to walk that hour back in the rain.  Tonight, an hour ago actually, I realized what time the ticket was bought at:  4:31pm, the EXACT time the stranger had given the bus ticket to me!  There really are angels looking out for us.

The other thing I want to write about briefly is how God/the universe/the powers that be really seem to want me here in Denver.  It's crazy, but living here on a part-time Para salary should technically be impossible, seeing as rent and such is so expensive here.  Somehow every time I think I'm going to come up short or be homeless, something ends up coming through and causes it to be possible for me to keep living here.  I really don't know how to explain it.

This week has certainly been an exercise in trusting the flow.


(P.S.- I found a penny on the ground the other day, so maybe today I had some extra luck!)