It's a Mystery

It's been a crazy week.  So many things have happened!  I'm not going to talk about all of them here but I might talk more about one or two of the things in later blog posts.

I finished the first week back at school with the kids and survived in mostly one piece.  It was definitely not an easy week "back at the ranch", so to speak.  By Friday I felt like I was dragging myself across the finish line into the weekend completely exhausted.  Even after a whole weekend I still felt like I was dragging when I started this week off.

It's hard to tell the exact reason for this lagging, though if I listen to my gut I know the answer.  My gut is, and has been for a while now, telling me it's time to move on from my current job.  Does this scare me?  Yes.  Does it excite me?  Yes.  I think I'm ready for a change of venue.  I love the kids but ultimately need something more sustainable and less soul-sucking.  What will the new thing (or things) be/look like?  I don't yet know.

Not knowing is hard- and also at times rather terrifying.  This is because of a few different things.  For one, saying "I don't know" so many times in response to questions can be tiring and can also seem as though I'm taking the easy way out of answering.  I am not- I legit just don't know.  For another, leaving a thing that you've been doing for the last few years can be scary because if you don't know what's next it can be rather intimidating, and because sometimes we get stuck in ruts of comfort even when it's not necessarily the best thing for us.  Not knowing is trusting the not-yet-known and also trusting the flow to take you to the next phase of your journey.

Not knowing is definitely trusting the flow.  You don't have to know everything or have all the answers.  It's part of what makes life interesting!  Where would the mystery and adventure be if we knew everything?

Something else oftentimes occurs when we don't know- we can feel lost.  I know I do.  I feel as though I've stepped off of the known path and have found the road that's been less traveled by.  This road can only be found by stepping off the known path and bravely going the way your gut is telling you to go.  It involves trust and trusting the flow.  I've learned a lot about the flow and being lost in the last few months or so.

Here's the thing:  even though it's hard saying "I don't know" so much, I'm pretty darn excited for wherever it is life is taking me.  I may not know where I'm going but I'm enjoying the journey and I have met a fair amount of fellow travelers along the way.  We sort of help each other out in our own unique ways- ways that aren't always known or obvious to our fellow travelers.

Cheers to saying "I don't know" and being okay with that!