Reflecting on the Craziness that is Life

Do you not know..?

That is the phrase that came to me this morning during the sermon at Highlands.  I wrote it on my hand so as to not forget it because it helped to remind me of how loved I am.

This is what the phrase reminded me of:

• "Do you not know how loved you are by the Holy One?"
• God loves me no matter what, just as I am.
• I'm loved as a queer person.
• I am brave.
• I am confident.
• I have a strong spirit.
• I know more than I think I do, while at the same time the more I know the less I know, and it's okay to not yet know as long as I keep learning and growing.
• There has been so much personal growth in the last two and a half years.
• I am resourceful and creative.
• I love deeply.
• I am an inclusive person, knowing what it's like to be on the outside.

These are my attempt to put to words the feeling I had as, "Do you not know..?" floated through my thoughts.

Last night while I was up at Left Hand I had a moment of reflection about how far I've come in just two and a half year of residing here in Denver.  It truly is amazing.  I came not knowing anyone or knowing what my life was going to look like or if I would find a good community to thrive in.  I remember well that first night in Denver when I officially moved here thinking, "Oh s***. What have I gotten myself into?  Can I really do this?" and feeling really intimidated and daunted.

Those first few months were very lonely and there were times when I felt fairly depressed and down.  I think it's only by the grace of God that I made it through those first few months.  Especially when I think about how I was able to find both a job and housing within the same weekend, and then subsequently with future housing and somehow being able to survive and make it on a part-time salary as a Paraprofessional in an Elementary school.  Things like this are not really heard of in Denver.  I think God definitely wants me here, because He seems to be going to great lengths to keep me here.  I've also been blessed with the communities and people of Highlands and Left Hand Church.

I'm in a really good place right now, and I am happy with life.  I may feel lost and not know many answers at this point but I think that's okay.  There's something to be said for flying by the seat of your pants and whinging it, because life is one great big improv game. The adventure and journey is so worth it to me, and I'm glad I don't know all the answers.  How else would I grow if there wasn't any doubt?  Curiosity is truly a wonderful thing...and I have a lot of it!